How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
