My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
