Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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