I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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