my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
