That's intense
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
