hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
