I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Blood and glitter go together right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
