I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
