when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".