its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation