shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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