I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
