doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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