he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
