What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
