I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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