How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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