hotel room ftw
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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