so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
