Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
