so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
