she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
