Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How's work?
Spinning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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