You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
