Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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