I heard we made out
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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