Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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