I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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