I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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