I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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