oh god the rape fog is back!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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