just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I would but heโs not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Hot or not, sheโs from Boston. Itโs hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
