Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
