Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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