Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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