So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Found the puke drawer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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