You really coming over, don't trick.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My balls are so social today.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
