Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
