Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
