At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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