What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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