The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
