he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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