My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
