I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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