Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
