Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
