you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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