I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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