The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
