This is not my ceiling
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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