RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can I color on your dick again?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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