So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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