you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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