my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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