Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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