Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
