I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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