i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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