it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
