just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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