Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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