i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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